Sexual consent is an ongoing, mutual and freely given agreement to take part in sexual activity.
You need consent for all types of sexual activities, including:
- kissing
- touching
- oral sex
- intercourse (vaginal or anal)
- sexting and sending nudes
Just because a person consents to one thing, it doesn't mean they’re consenting to everything. Also, if they consented once, this doesn't mean they have consented to it again.
You are free to change your mind before the act begins or at any time before it ends - even after you have said yes to something.
Emergency action required: Call 112 or 999 now if:
- you are in immediate danger or need urgent help
Communicating sexual consent
Giving and getting consent for sex means communicating your consent but also ensuring you have the consent of your partner.
Before you give consent or ask for consent you should know your own boundaries.
For example, you might think about:
- if you want to have sex with this person or are feeling pressured in any way
- what type of sexual activities you are comfortable with
- where and when you want to have sex
- using contraception to protect against an unplanned pregnancy
- using condoms to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
You also must respect the boundaries of the other person, whether they are a new or existing partner. This means talking to them and understanding what they want.
Before you engage in sexual activity with someone, it is important that both partners consent and agree.
Giving and getting sexual consent
You can ask for sexual consent through words (saying it) and actions (showing it).
Using words to ask about consent goes beyond getting a ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
You might say:
- "I’d like to… Are you into this?"
- "Can I kiss you?"
- "Is this ok?"
- "Can we do ….?"
Non-verbal consent can be shown through body language such as:
- smiling
- making eye contact
- moving closer
- placing your partner’s hand where you want to be touched
- responding positively to touch
While many people rely on non-verbal consent, it is important to include active verbal consent too. Having a clear conversation with your partner will prevent any doubts and ensure you are both fully in agreement.
Consent is ongoing and mutual. You and your partner can still change your minds as things progress. It’s important to keep checking in with each other.
Withdrawing sexual consent
You and your partner have the right to change your mind and withdraw consent at any point during sexual activity.
You might choose to withdraw consent because:
- you change your mind - no explanation is needed
- you feel uncomfortable, stressed or unsure
- you’re not as interested as you thought you were
- you feel pressured, tired, or emotionally overwhelmed
- something changes physically - for example pain or illness
- you are not protected against STIs (no condoms) or unplanned pregnancy (no contraception)
How you might withdraw consent
Examples of things a person might say include:
- "Stop!"
- "No!"
- "I don’t want to"
- "Can we slow down?"
- "I don’t think I’m into this"
- "I need a break"
A person might show that they are not consenting and want to stop if:
- they pull away
- they turn their face away
- they stop responding
- they move the other person’s hands away from their body
These are just a few examples. You may notice other signs that your partner is not consenting and wants to stop.
If you are ever unsure if your partner wants to carry on, stop immediately and talk about it. This is the best way to ensure both of you are comfortable and consent to the sexual activity.
Talking together about what you like and what you want to do can make the experience better for you both.
Sexual consent and the law
It is a crime to engage in a sexual act with someone who has not or cannot give consent.
Legal age of sexual consent
The age of consent in the Republic of Ireland is 17. This means that it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with anyone under the age of 17, even if they say they want to.
The age of consent is the same for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Sexual consent between young people
The law recognises that younger people may engage in sexual activity with each other.
If someone is charged with engaging in a sexual act with a person who is under 17, they may defend themselves if:
- they are younger or not more than 2 years older than the person they had sexual activity with
- agreement was given freely and voluntarily
- neither person felt pressured or intimidated
- neither person is in a position of authority
The courts will decide if consent was given freely and voluntarily.
If a person is charged with an offence, they should get legal advice immediately.
People in a position of authority
You cannot have sexual activity with someone under age 18 if you:
- are in a position of power over them
- were previously in a position of power over them
In these cases, the young person cannot legally consent to sexual activity.
People in a position of authority can include:
- family members
- carers
- teachers
- sports coaches
Read more about the Sexual Offences Act, 2017 - irishstatutebook.ie.
Not able to give sexual consent
The law also protects people in certain situations who are not considered able to give consent, even if they have said “yes”.
For example, a person is not able to give consent if they are:
- forced, threatened, or scared into having sex
- asleep or passed out
- too intoxicated to understand what's going on or to decide to have sex
- a person with a disability or condition that stops them from communicating consent
- mistaken about what is happening - for example, they agree to have sex using a condom but are deceived into condomless sex
- misled about who they are having sex with - for example, they think it's one person when it's really another
- being held somewhere against their will
You also cannot give sexual consent on behalf of someone else.
More support
Help and support is available.
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