How to tell someone you self-harm - Self-harm

It can be hard to know how to talk to your friends, family or a health professional about self-harm. But many people feel more supported and less alone after talking to someone.

Tips to help you tell someone you self-harm

The following things can help:

• find someone you can trust - such as a close friend, family member, trained volunteer or health professional
• decide on the right time or place to talk to someone - it may feel easier to talk online, write something down or practise what you want to say first
• let the person know that what you're sharing may be a shock to them, but you're looking for help
• ask to continue the conversation another time if the other person feels distressed or you're interrupted
• try to talk honestly and openly - be clear about how you're feeling, why you're asking for help and things they may be able to do
• let the other person ask questions - but do not feel you have to answer them all right now
• decide if you want to show the other person any injuries or scars - if you're talking to a health professional they may want to check if you need treatment

Starting the conversation

If you find it hard to talk about what you're going through, try to start with words like:

• "Right now, I'm feeling ...."
• "I think it started when .... "
• "I've been feeling like this for ...."
• "Lately, school, college or work has been ...."

Family support

If you feel comfortable speaking with a family member, they can help you find a counsellor that's right for you. They may be relieved to have the chance to listen and help.

If you do not get a positive response, this is not because you've done something wrong. The person you told may not know how to respond or may not understand self-harm.

We have a separate page on how to help someone who self-harms.

Talking to a therapist or counsellor

You may need to talk to a trained therapist.

This can be a:

• counsellor
• psychotherapist
• psychologist
• psychiatrist
• nurse
• social worker

They can help you to work through some of the reasons you are self-harming. They can help you to find other ways to ease the pain you feel inside.

Building trust with your therapist can take time. You need to find someone you feel comfortable with. This may mean seeing a few before finding one that's right for you.

Getting help and treatment

Do not give up

If your first attempt at getting support does not go how you had hoped, do not give up. Try again or speak to someone else who you think might be better.

If you find it hard to talk to someone about it, email or write down what you want to say.

If you just need to talk

These services offer confidential support from trained volunteers. You can talk about anything that's troubling you, no matter how difficult.

Phone a helpline

These free helplines are there to help when you're feeling down or low.

Unless it says otherwise, they're open 24 hours a day, every day.

You can also call these helplines for advice if you're worried about someone else.

At any time you can:

• freephone the Samaritans: 116 123
• freephone Pieta: 1800 247 247
• freephone Childline if you are 17 and under: 1800 666 666

Message

If you do not want to talk to someone over the phone, there are text lines and emails you can message.

Unless it says otherwise, they're open 24 hours a day, every day.

You can:

• text HELP to 51444 - standard message rates apply (Pieta)
• free text HELLO to 50808 (Text About It)
• WhatsApp (Text About It)
• text HELLO to 086 180 0280 (Text About It - for 48, An Post and Clear Mobile customers)
• email jo@samaritans.ie

If you are 17 and under you can contact Childline:

• text 50101
• select Live Chat on childline.ie

More supports

Mental health organisations that provide support

Organisations for children and young people