Learning to use cutlery

Some children find it hard to hold standard cutlery. This can happen when they have additional needs that affect their grip or hand coordination.

This page is about children learning to use cutlery. But not all children use cutlery to eat. Some use their hands or chopsticks. What matters is that your child learns to feed themselves and build the skills they need for their way of eating.

Starting to use cutlery

Children often develop cutlery skills by certain ages.

For example, at about:

• 12 months - a child may eat finger food and hold a spoon
• 24 months - a child may feed themselves using a spoon
• age 3 - a child may use a fork to stab food

Your child will usually start with a spoon. They will then progress to using a knife and fork.

Helping your child to use cutlery

Watch how your child sits to feed themselves. Adult-sized chairs can make it hard for children to sit comfortably and reach their food. A child-sized dining chair can help them sit at the right height and support good posture.

Check that your child’s hands are in the right position for using cutlery. Also make sure that the size and weight of the cutlery is suitable for them.

There are many specialist cutlery options. These can help your child to put their fingers in the right places when holding cutlery. This helps them put pressure on the cutlery, as needed.

If you are not using children's cutlery, check the knife and fork are comfortable in your child's hand.

There are many different ways to use cutlery. Support your child in the method that is most comfortable for them.

Start with the knife

Start by showing your child how to use their knife. They can practise on longer, soft foods such as sausages, chips, carrots, fish fingers or bananas.

Tips to help teach cutlery skills

To help your child:

• use the backward chaining approach, letting them do the final step of the task
• use a timer to keep practice short and focused, so your child does not get tired
• put a mark on a knife and fork using a sticker or Tippex to show where they should place their pointer fingers
• use different colours and shapes of cutlery and plates - this can help interest your child in the task
• use clear instructions
• use the same words or actions each time your child practises - consistency helps them understand and remember the steps

Use play to help develop your child's cutlery skills

Practise away from mealtimes, when your child is under less pressure. Let them cut non-food items. For example, playdough.

Use toy fruit or vegetables - like wooden or Velcro play food. This can help your child practise cutting safely.

Pretend play can help your child practise cutlery skills by creating a story around the activity.

For example, bake together for a doll's tea party. Your child can help you to cut the pastry or a banana.

Use a child-safe knife or crinkle cutter for cutting soft foods. These knives are blunt and designed for small hands, so your child can practise cutting safely and independently. Knives like this can be found in Montessori education toys.

What your child needs for cutlery skills

To develop cutlery skills, your child needs to be able to hold a knife and fork comfortably.

This means they usually rest their first finger on top of the knife and fork. This is the most functional way of holding the cutlery.

Show them how to put the fork into the food. Leave a small gap. While they hold the food with the fork, show them how to cut with the knife. They will use a sawing action to do this part.

Challenges when using cutlery

Every child learns at their own pace. Some take longer to master cutlery skills, and that’s ok.

Children with motor difficulties or additional needs may find it tricky to control individual fingers for pointing or holding cutlery.

They can practise fine motor activities to build the skills needed to use cutlery.

For example, poking their index finger into playdough helps strengthen finger control and coordination. But practising with real cutlery is also important so these skills transfer to mealtimes.

Using pictures or symbols can help your child understand each step. Choose visuals that are clear and not too complicated.

Consider using a reward chart to help your child stay motivated.

Independent skills, part 5: Eating and learning to use cutlery (video)