Learning about differences in communication styles can help you understand neurodivergent children.
Their way of speaking may be more direct, factual or literal. This does not mean they are being rude or unkind. It’s just a different way of expressing themselves.
For example, a neurodivergent child might say, “You’re wrong,” during a conversation. They may not mean to be rude. They’re just being honest or factual. They might not realise that this could sound hurtful to someone else.
Common communication styles
People communicate in many different ways, but there are some common neurodivergent communication styles.
Echolalia
Echolalia is when a child copies or echoes the words and sounds they hear. This is a normal part of learning to talk and is common in young children.
By age 3, most children can put new words together to make their own sentences, instead of repeating what they hear.
Echolalia can also be common in neurodivergent children as they get older. They may use echolalia flexibly, which can help them communicate better.
Literal
Literal communication is often linked to neurodivergent people. It means the person prefers clear, direct ways of speaking and understanding. Vague or unclear messages can confuse them or cause anxiety.
Open-ended questions, like "how was your day?" can be hard for literal communicators. Instead, use yes or no questions or questions that start with who, what, where, when or why. For example, "where did you go?"
Proximity
Proximity means how close or far someone is from objects or other people.
Sensory differences can affect how neurodivergent people move or position their bodies.
When communicating with someone, they might need to:
- lean in to understand what someone is saying
- lean on something to feel grounded
- stay at a distance when they feel anxious
Direct
Many neurodivergent people communicate in a direct way. This can be seen as rude or blunt. From their perspective, it is often an attempt to be straightforward and get to the point quickly.
Neurodivergent people sometimes struggle with skills such as planning, self-regulation, following instructions and focusing. Using direct language and being efficient with words helps them to manage this.
It can be tiring for a neurodivergent person to use indirect or extra words to avoid seeming rude.
Language processing challenges
Some neurodivergent children find it hard to process language. This can make it difficult to find the right words or explain things clearly.
Talking with others might feel overwhelming, especially in busy or fast-paced situations.
Information (info) dumping
Info dumping is a neurodivergent style of conversation where the person shares a lot of information about a topic in great detail.
Some neurotypical people might see this as interrupting, talking too much or not letting others talk.
But information dumping can be a great way to build connections, make friends and share knowledge. It can also feel good and help with self-regulation.
Longer conversational turns
Neurodivergent people often have brains that focus deeply on one thing at a time. This is called monotropic thinking. They might miss other things happening around them.
When they speak, longer turns in conversation help them stay in that focus. Short or fast conversations can break their flow and take more effort. Longer turns save energy by reducing the need to switch attention and helping them express their thoughts more easily.
Neurodivergent people prefer conversations they consider meaningful and interesting, rather than small talk.
Eye contact
Eye contact can be stressful and intense for a neurodivergent person. This is because of how their brain processes information.
When a neurodivergent person does not make much eye contact, other people might think they are being rude or not interested. Eye contact is easier when they feel safe and comfortable with the person they are talking to.
Parallel interaction style
Neurodivergent children might play by lining up, moving or arranging toys. They may not interact much with other children near them or use the same toys. There may be more quiet play.
Parallel play means being close to others while doing something interesting and enjoyable.
Older children and adults can connect by doing activities in the same space.