Jealousy is an emotion, just like happiness, sadness, and anger. Everyone feels jealous from time to time. But it can be painful and difficult to control.
Jealousy happens most often within relationships.
It can happen between:
- friends
- siblings
- family members
- romantic partners
- work colleagues
Extreme jealousy can destroy relationships and damage your health.
Signs of jealousy
If you are jealous, it might seem like someone is a threat to something important to you.
You may also feel envy for something they have, such as:
- a relationship with someone
- their emotional state or happiness
- material goods - for example, a car or house
Feelings of envy or jealousy can make you feel angry, anxious and threatened. You can become more sensitive or possessive than usual.
How jealousy can be harmful
Jealousy can affect your health and your relationships.
Your health
Intense jealousy can take over your everyday life and lead to sleep problems and a poor appetite.
Intense feelings of jealousy can affect you in the same way as anxiety.
For example, you may experience:
- a raised heart rate
- sweating
- exhaustion
- worried thoughts
Your relationship
Jealousy can harm your relationship, especially when your partner has not done anything to cause it.
Your partner can feel hurt, exhausted, anxious and angry if they're not trusted.
How to deal with jealousy
There are some practical and positive things you can do to overcome your jealousy.
Talk to your partner
Tell them about your feelings without blaming them. Let them know what makes you feel worried and jealous.
Prepare what you want to say and talk to your partner in a non-threatening and neutral place. For example, arrange to meet in a café or restaurant. You'll be more likely to stay calm.
Understand your past
It's important to ask yourself how your past experiences of relationships might be impacting your feelings of jealousy in current relationships.
For example, you may have experienced mistrust in previous relationships. People you loved and depended on may have treated you in unfair and hurtful ways. This can make you more likely to expect similar treatment in other relationships.
Accept some uncertainty
Uncertainty is part of relationships. You cannot know for sure what others are thinking or feeling. It's impossible to control what someone else is feeling.
When jealousy is a problem
If you're concerned about your jealousy, ask yourself 3 questions:
- Is this feeling interfering with my everyday life?
- Is my jealousy hurting someone I love?
- Does my jealousy control me more than I control it?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, it may help to talk to a counsellor or a therapist.
Your GP may be able to refer you or recommend a therapist. But you do not need a GP referral.
Find a counsellor or therapist
How a counsellor or therapist can help
A therapist can help you to resolve your feelings of jealousy. They will help you to look at the cause of your jealousy and deal with it on a day-to-day basis.