It can be hard to know how to talk to your child about growth and weight. If your child talks about their weight, respond in a positive and caring way.
You have a big influence on how your child thinks and feels about their weight.
You may worry that talking about weight is a big deal. But children know that weight is part of growing. They expect parents to talk about it.
Let them know that they can talk about weight too. This can help to reduce shame around weight.
Talk to your GP or public health nurse if you have concerns about your child's weight
Avoid blame
No one gets it right all the time. Try not to blame your child or yourself for being a certain weight. Focus on the healthy things you and your family can do.
If your child is under 5
Children age 5 and under are too young to talk about body weight. But it’s never too early to introduce healthy lifestyle habits. For example, active play and eating healthy meals.
If your child is over 5
If your child does not talk about their body weight, you don't need to sit them down for a big talk about it.
But if they do bring it up, talk about it in a caring way.
How to start a conversation
Small conversations can work better than a big talk.
Talk about growth and health where it comes up in everyday conversations.
Focus on the things your child can do to look after their health. For example, keeping active and eating their vegetables.
You do not need to talk about everything in one go, or give perfect answers
The aim is to help your child feel that they can talk to you.
How to talk about weight in a caring way
You do not have to avoid the word weight. This can create worry.
But if you use the word weight, focus on health and growth
Use terms such as 'healthier weight' and 'higher weight for your age'.
It's OK not to use the word weight if you do not want to. You can talk about growth and health, or exercise and healthy eating instead.
But sometimes it can be helpful to talk about weight, for example, if:
- your child asks about their own or someone else’s weight or size
- you hear your child use hurtful words about someone’s size
- other people talk about weight with you or your child, such as health professionals
- your child mentions talking about weight or weight teasing at school - ask them what they think about weight and how they talk about it with their friends.
Don’t talk about 'losing weight' or 'dieting'
Many adults use the word ‘dieting’ in a negative way. Diets are usually for a short period. They involve following a food plan that may not be healthy.
Talk about the things your family can do to eat healthier and be more active. The long-term approach works best.
Focus on making healthier lifestyle habits as a family. This includes active play, healthier sleep routines, less screen time and healthier eating.
Lifestyle changes for your child's weight
Talk positively about food and physical activity
Encourage self-esteem in your child
As a parent, it is important for you to challenge the stereotypes that can be associated with people who have obesity.
Children who are teased about their weight can have low self-esteem. Teach your child that self-esteem does not come from appearance or body size.
Talk about their good qualities. Compliment them for things they do that are not related to appearance. This could be for being kind, being a good friend, doing well at school or looking after a pet. Praise them for the effort they put into something.
Find activities that your child can do to build their self-confidence. Find positive role models who are living in a bigger body.
Talk to your child about weight bias when you see it.
If you live with overweight or obesity
If your own weight comes up in conversation with your child, don’t ignore it. Talk about health and the habits that can support you all to be healthier. Try to guide the conversation away from appearance.
If your child is being bullied about their weight
This can be a very anxious conversation for you. Comfort your child in a way works for them. This might be a hug or some supportive words.
It is a confusing time for your child. Let them express their feelings and lead the conversation. It's important that they feel supported.
Keep the issue of growth and weight separate from the conversation about bullying.
Let them know that something will be done about the bullying. Then try to deal with the bullying separately with school staff.
Do not make changes to your child’s lifestyle because of the bully’s words. Talk about making healthy changes at a different time.
What to do if you're being bullied
If someone is teasing your child about their weight
If you're worried about giving your child an eating disorder
Eating disorders are serious and complex conditions. They are not always about food.
Eating disorders are often an unhealthy way of coping with emotional distress. They can also be a symptom of other issues.
Discussing growth, weight and health in a positive and caring way does not cause eating disorders.
Learn more about eating disorders.