Support is available for anyone who self-harms or thinks about self-harm, as well as their friends and family.
If you learn that your child or a person you know is self-harming:
- try not to panic
- look after any immediate medical concerns or physical injuries first
- listen to them and try to find out what they need
Non-urgent advice: Phone 112 or 999 or go to the nearest emergency department (ED) if
you or somebody else:
- is at immediate risk of harming themselves, or another person
- has taken an overdose of drugs, alcohol or prescription medicine
- is in a lot of pain
- is having difficulty breathing
- is losing a lot of blood from a cut or wound
- is in shock after a serious cut or burn
- is unconscious
How to recognise self-harm
It can be hard to recognise when someone has started to self-harm. They may not want anyone else to know.
You may notice:
- they have become very withdrawn and do not speak to others
- signs of depression, such as low mood, tearfulness or a lack of motivation or interest in anything
- signs of low self-esteem, such as thinking they're not good enough
- they talk about ending things or not wanting to go on
- keeping themselves fully covered at all times, even in hot weather
- unexplained cuts, bruises or burns, usually on the wrists, arms, thighs and chest
- unexplained blood stains on clothing or tissues
- unexplained hair loss
Ways you can try to help
There are some things you can do to help them get the support they need.
Do
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ask how they would like to be supported
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let them know you're there for them
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tell them about their positive qualities
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try to understand their emotions and experiences, without judging them
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know that self-harm might be their way of releasing and showing extreme distress
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let them be in control of their decisions, but get them medical attention if needed
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be patient - it takes time to replace self-harm with a healthier coping strategy
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encourage them to talk about self-harm to a GP or support organisation or helpline
Don't
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do not try to force them to change what they're doing
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do not threaten to take away their control
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do not insult them, for example by saying they're attention-seeking
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do not tell them to stop self-harming, without understanding the reasons or finding new ways to cope
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do not make casual comments encouraging them to stop
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do not make them feel guilty about self-harming, or try to punish them
Talking to someone about their self-harm
Talk to them in a private space. Try to make them feel comfortable so that they can honestly discuss their thoughts and feelings.
Talk to them about what is happening.
Pretending it does not exist often reinforces shame. Try to see the person, not the injuries. The bigger picture is always important when someone is self-harming.
Try to acknowledge their pain without intruding. Try to understand how distressed they feel. Let them know you will talk whenever they want. Do not rush them.
Let them know how you feel. Many people who self-harm have trouble expressing their thoughts and feelings. Encourage them to cry, if they need to. Crying is a healthy and normal way to express sadness or frustrations.
If you need to, tell someone you trust. You're not betraying the person's trust if you need support.
Distraction techniques
Tell the person that they can use a distraction technique when they get the urge to self-harm. This involves distracting themselves until they feel the urge has passed.
Distraction can involve:
- talking to someone, a friend or family member, a helpline or online support
- doing some exercise - even running-on-the-spot or star jumps
- shouting or singing at the top of their lungs – they can do this into a pillow if they do not want other people to hear
Find more distraction techniques.
How a GP can help with self-harm
It's important for anyone who self-harms to talk to their GP.
A GP will listen to them and talk with them about the best options. This could include self-help or support groups. They can also give them advice and treatment for minor injuries.
If needed, a GP can refer them for an assessment with a local:
- community mental health team (CMHT) - if they are 18 or over
- Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) - if they are under 18
Types of help, support and treatment for self-harm
Mind yourself
Supporting someone who is self-harming is likely to be a stressful time in your life. It is a time when you might need to support yourself too.
You could:
- talk to friends and family
- talk to someone on a support helpline
- talk to your GP
- join a support group for carers, friends and family
- take some time out to concentrate on yourself
Supports for carers, family and friends
Get support if you need it
These free helplines are there to help 24 hours a day, every day.
You can also call these helplines for advice if you're worried about someone else
Pieta
Free support for people who self harm, are thinking about suicide or people bereaved by suicide.
Samaritans
Samaritans services are available 24 hours a day, for confidential, non-judgemental support.
Text About It
Free 24-hour chat service. It provides everything from a calming chat to immediate support for people going through a mental health or emotional crisis.