Sexuality is about how we feel about ourselves, express ourselves and how we form relationships.
It’s different from ‘sex’. Sex refers to sexual contact and activity or if you are male or female.
Teaching your child about sexuality from a young age will help them to have a healthy attitude towards:
- love and relationships
- their body
- gender
- sexual orientation
- sexual feelings and behaviours as they get older
Talk to your child about relationships and sexuality from early childhood. Do it in a way that's right for their age. You can build on these talks as they get older.
Teaching babies and toddlers
Your child learns about relationships, sexuality and growing up from their relationship with you and what they see around them.
You can teach your child about relationships and love by:
- making eye contact with them
- smiling at them
- cuddling, kissing and hugging them
- telling them that you love them and that they're important
- not being afraid to kiss and hug your partner in front of your child
Your child also learns about things through touch, including touching their own bodies. You can teach them that their body is normal by accepting these explorations.
Touching themselves
Your child may play openly with their genitals. This is a part of their normal exploration. There's no reason to discourage them.
Your child may feel that something is wrong with that part of their body if you stop them touching themselves.
If you feel you need to, you can gently distract your child rather than pulling their hands away.
Name all the body parts, including the penis, scrotum and vulva when you're bathing them or changing their nappy. This makes it normal to refer to their body parts and will help your child to talk about them as necessary when they're older.
Teaching children age 3 to 5
By this age, your child is aware and curious about the physical differences between the sexes.
Most children develop a personal sense of themselves as a particular gender. They begin to understand and imitate gender roles. They base these on what they see at home and around them. As they get older, this influences their gender-based behaviour.
For example, they notice who does the laundry, who cuts the grass, who prepares food and who takes out the bins.
Toddlers often reflect the relationships they observe around them in how they play.
Your child may:
- be modest about their body
- like being naked
- be interested in their parents' bodies and how they differ from their own
- ask you about the different parts of your own body and be curious about them
- want to know where babies come from
- like touching their own private parts when upset or tense, or as a comfort when they're going to sleep
Curiosity during play
Your child may also show their curiosity during playtime. For example, they may play games such as doctors and nurses. This is normal so long as the children are a similar age and they do not find it upsetting.
It is very common for children to adopt roles not usually linked with their gender when they play. This is a healthy part of their development.
They can sometimes copy the roles they see the adults around them holding. They may also use stereotyped male and female play as they learn about different gender roles.
Help them explore and grow by supporting this kind of play.
Choices they make around clothing, toys and play in childhood are often just about exploring and playing with different roles and identities.
How to talk to them
Talk about babies and bodies in a language and at a level that your child can understand.
You could:
- use picture books to help you talk about it
- start the chat when a relevant topic comes up on TV
- choose an everyday moment to talk, such as when you're tidying up around the house
Avoid gender assumptions
Help your child to explore and fully express themselves by avoiding assumptions about how boys and girls behave and what they’re interested in.
Children may reinforce old fashioned stereotypes of what boys and girls can and can not do. They may do this in their play and in their understanding of roles.
It is helpful if the adults they look up to can show them that all children can be all things.
Common stereotypes to challenge include:
- boys are sporty
- girls are creative
- boys like trucks
- girls like dolls
- girls need more protection
- boys need to be toughened up
Safety concerns
Be alert to times when your child may be exposed to harmful situations. Try to work out if anything is worrying them.
Encourage them to tell you if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe in any situation or with any person. Always believe your child and seek help if you have concerns.
You can find out more about harmful situations on the Tusla, Child and Family Agency website - tusla.ie
Teaching them about touch
Help your child to set and maintain boundaries by teaching them about different types of touch:
- safe touch
- unsafe touch
- unwanted touch
Safe touch
This should make them feel cared for and important. It should not hurt or be uncomfortable.
It should only ever hurt or be uncomfortable when it's to keep them safe and healthy, such as getting an injection or being checked by a GP.
Unsafe touch
This hurts someone's body or their feelings, for example, kicking and punching.
Unwanted touch
This is touch that is not wanted from that person or at that time. It may also be unsafe.
Where to get help and information
Contact your GP for more information on your child's sexual development.
Information for parents on sexualwellbeing.ie This is a HSE website.
Watch videos from the HSE on how to talk to young children about relationships and sexuality.